I am a teacher...

...well, a student teacher. Most of the people who read this blog (if not all) already know that, but I feel like I'm finally to the point where I can say "I'm a teacher" and not feel like I'm lying to myself. School started this Thursday, so I spent Thursday and Friday in the classes where I will be student teaching. It's fun to see the teachers at work in the first week and pay attention to how they build their procedures and the student/teacher relationship. Until now, I never realized how important those first few days are in setting the tone of the class that will definitely affect the whole rest of the school year!

This conversation happened on day one:

Mrs B: This is Mrs. H, she will be the lead teacher for your class. and Ms. S will usually just be sitting in the back taking notes.

Student: Are they student teachers?

Mrs B: Yes they are student teachers.... raise your hand if you've had a student teacher before (nearly everyone raises their hand).....okay, raise your hand if you hated your student teacher (EVERYONE keeps their hand raised!!!!).

Mrs. B did go on to say that this should be a very different experience than they have had before.... that she went to the University and saw that we were the best and handpicked us for her classroom. I sure hope she's right! I have a lot of work to do if I'm going to convince all of these 13 and 14 year olds not to hate me or my teaching. I'm more concerned that they don't hate my teaching, but if they like me that's definitely a bonus.

The class this happened in is the class that I will be taking over by the end of this week. They are a group of 36 fun, rambunctious adolescents that may or may not care about what I have to teach them about math. So, ready or not here I come! My philosophy right now: Fake it 'til you make it. I may be scared to death and feel like I have no clue what I'm doing. As long as the students don't know that I'm good, right?

I Know a Place...

This weekend I was lucky enough to go to the most beautiful place I have ever been to. Not only is it beautiful for its tall pine trees, granite rocks and mountain scenery, but the spirit of love and peace that is there is what makes Brighton my home away from home. I worked in the kitchen at Brighton Girl's camp for 2 summers and this last weekend was the 2010 Brighton Staff Reunion. It was surreal being there remembering how much this place and the people there have influenced my life for the better in the times when I needed it the most. Here I was again at a very soul-searching, and in-need-of-guidance point in my life. In spite of my doubts, Brighton had exactly what I needed to put things into perspective.

Not only was it great to just be at Brighton, but I got to be there with my sister "Paris" and my mom "Sunshine" who worked there before I did. It was so fun to share this experience with them.

We helped out in the kitchen for lunch on Saturday. It brought back so many fun memories of working in the kitchen. I was surprised that I still kind of knew what I was doing and where things were!

I am so grateful I had the chance to go to Brighton and marvel at this wonderful creation of our Heavenly Father. It is impossible to go there and not feel His love and His hand in all things. I desparately needed this reminder that life is beautiful and everything happens for a reason and we are not the ones in control of what happens. Even though hard times come, they will always turn out for the the best. Two weeks ago today, I was 10 weeks pregnant and I went in for my first doctors appointment. As he was doing the ultrasound, I found out that I had had a miscarriage. It has been an emotional journey since then and I know it still will be for a while. It was such a help to me to just talk to people this weekend who understand what I'm going through and even some who don't, but are so compassionate still. I learned that everyone has their trials and the best thing is to just show that you care about them and want to know how they are feeling. I feel like I have been selfish in my trials in the past. I take all the comfort I can get from people and don't really reciprocate. That is a weakness of mine that I am definitely going to work on changing as I move forward. I have started to see what compassion really means. You don't have to understand exactly what someone is going through in order to show compassion and let them know you really care.

One of the hardest and best things about this weekend was all of the babies that were there. It has been hard for me these last 2 weeks to see babies and hear people talk about babies and pregnancy. I knew there would be a lot of that there so I was prepared for it as much as I could be. It was hard at times to be in the midst of so many babies when I just lost mine, but I was able to talk to people about their babies and be happy for them. I am happy for them, but still sad for myself at the same time. It is a confusing way to feel, but I feel like this experience has made me more able to separate those two emotions. I don't think I'll be perfect at that any time soon, but at least it's getting better.

There is so much that is beautiful and positive in the world! I know that better days are to come for us and I just have to trust in that. Brighton, once again, has been exactly what I needed at exactly the right time. I am forever grateful for the experiences I have had there, the things I have learned and the wonderful people I have met.